Thursday, January 1, 2009
Oh freak,I don't know what to update about.. Except for the fact that i ate hotcakes for breakfast..lol?
I’ve learned this past year. I’ve changed. I’ve grown. Maybe things do happen for a reason; maybe they don’t. But no matter what, they still happen. That’s what we need to remember. I learned to stop analyzing things, to just let them happen. And if I get hurt, or if something bad happens, then it happens. There’s nothing I can do to change that. I’ve learned to go with my gut, and that it’s okay to make mistakes because the ones that matter won’t care. I’ve learned that your friends can save you from your worst enemy – yourself. And, most importantly, I’ve learned that today is all we have.
If you have the time,read this.Its about a girl who has just gone through a breakup.
Its sad but life has to go on..
It's all gone.
We're "on a break."
For no reason. It has to be his ex, I know it. I hung out with him all weekend, Saturday he gave me my Christmas present which was a Build-a-Bear dressed up like a little army guy, it was really cute and sad. So we had a great time all weekend and I left my iPod in his car last night, so I texted him at 4PM when I got home this afternoon (Sunday) and told him I left it there and he offered to bring it over. So he came over and was being all cute and we were talking about random stuff.
So, last night (Saturday) his ex texted him because she "wanted to be cool." So he was like "Okay, whatever that's fine. We're cool." And she kept texting him and she was like "I still love you I want you back." And he was honest with me and showed me even though I didn't even ask what she said. And he said that he told her they were gonna talk tomorrow.
So he kisses me goodbye, then I talk to him later on facebook and everything is normal. And I was like "Did you talk to her?" And he was like "Yeah, we just talked about how things have changed or whatever."
Then like an hour later he randomly texts me and this is what he says:
"don't be mad but i think we need to go on a break. i got so much shit going on in my head right now i need to get stuff straight."
OVER TEXT. COOL LIFE.
So I text back and this is how the rest of the conversation goes:
me: "seriously?"
him: "yeah i'm really sorry i just got a lot of shit to think about."
me: "like...jamie?" (his ex.)
him: "a little but is mostly me and the army and everything else."
me: "this is completely outta the blue."
him: "not really i've been thinking for a few days now. but it has nothing to do with you i still like you. i just got some stuff to sort out."
At this point, I'm just like fuck this, this is not for text. At least a phone conversation because its not really a good time to like randomly meet at 9PM on a Sunday.
So I call him and I'm like, "So what's going on?" And basically he says that he's confused and we rushed into things cuz we went from being best friends to not talking and then suddenly dating.
What I didn't say, but I have a small conflict with:
He was the one who expressed his feelings for me. My exact words were that I DID NOT WANT TO RUSH INTO ANYTHING, and that we should start being close friends again before anything happens. He agrees. And we want to keep it quiet especially from his ex because they had broken up a week ago at this point.
She finds out Monday. On Tuesday we were sitting in the cafeteria in the morning and one of our mutual friends randomly asks him "Hey, are you guys dating?" He says yes without us ever having that conversation.
I get to first period and text him, "So we're dating now?"
him: "yeah."
me: "oh, okay. we never had that conversation really."
him: "oh, well are you okay with that."
me: "yeah i guess. :) "
him: "okay good :)"
WHAT THE FUCK?
He rushes into things, we hung out everyday this week after school except Wednesday because I had a riding lesson.
I DON'T GET IT.
He sends me texts that say stuff like:
"You are all that matters to me."
"I'm crazy for you."
"I'm so happy. You don't even know how happy I am." (he means with me, we were having a conversation about it.)
About his ex girlfriend: "But we can't let her intimidate us. She is just pissed off that I moved on and she can't. She just needs to get over it and realize that I'm much happier than I ever was with her."
"I don't wanna come home and see my baby with someone else." (he means from the army.)
"Well, I'm just telling you the truth. You make me happy just being with you. I've never had as much fun doing nothing with anyone else."
"Me too I'm so happy right now its not even funny. I missed you so much and now I'm happy that I have you back."
And those are all quoted. Because they are saved on my phone.
I go from a cycle of being really upset to really confused to really fucking pissed to not caring at all, back to upset.
And it just keeps going round and round and round.
I told him on the phone that if he wants to be with his ex to go for it, but I'm not gonna have anything to do with him then. And I told him I'm not the kinda girl that is on and off with a guy every 3 days, like the way they were.
I DON'T FUCKING LIKE THIS.
Everything was perfect, this weekend was perfect, everything. Until 8:05 PM.